This word called commitment.

So, it is 1 in the morning. What does one do at 1 in the morning. Well, a normal person would probably be sleeping. A normal teenager would maybe be out with friends. What am I doing? I am on my computer, catching up on OUAT (hell ya!), watching YouTube videos, obsessing over TFIOS and thinking about this word called commitment. 

As taken from Dictionary.com here are the definitions of commitment.

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Now in my situation, I am thinking about definitions 1 and 2. Now those aren’t really great definitions as we have learned from every English teacher that walked this Earth: “Do not ever use the word in the definition” Well then how about this?

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Let’s go with definition number 4.

A pledge or promise; obligation. I find myself on a daily basis afraid to do this. I have this fear of committing to anything. 

 

****** Edit******

It is no longer the morning and it is no longer that night (morning?) that I began writing this. Ahhh the irony of this being about commitment and getting things done. 

Back to what I was saying. 

I think commitment scares me.

Let me show you some examples.

1. School – I’m sure (or atleast I hope) that I am not the only one who feels this way. I just finished my second year and still don’t have a major. I switched schools because I was so sure that I was committed to this new major and then now at the end of my second year I have decided that I don’t think that it’s what I want to do. Now, in my head when I tell myself that I have decided what I am going to do, I feel this extreme anxiety and panic and decided nope that’s not it. I don’t really know how to describe it.

2. Relationships – ahhh the topic of relationships. As in boyfriend relationship. Every time I get the inkling that maybe, just maybe I have found someone who I could really like, I pick out one thing that is wrong and fixate on that, and it is so bad because usually i fixate on something really small like he like’s slugs and I hate slugs. I hope I’m not the only one who thinks like this! Maybe this is the reason I am 19 and never been in a relationship (or this is the reason, I like telling myself).

Commitment. It’s a funny word. It’s a scary word. Commitment. 

 

This summer’s goal? Commitment.

 

It is beginning to be a word that the more you say it, the more it doesn’t sound like a word.

Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment. Cows eating grass.

 

That is all.

 

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