So, it is 1 in the morning. What does one do at 1 in the morning. Well, a normal person would probably be sleeping. A normal teenager would maybe be out with friends. What am I doing? I am on my computer, catching up on OUAT (hell ya!), watching YouTube videos, obsessing over TFIOS and thinking about this word called commitment.
As taken from Dictionary.com here are the definitions of commitment.
Now in my situation, I am thinking about definitions 1 and 2. Now those aren’t really great definitions as we have learned from every English teacher that walked this Earth: “Do not ever use the word in the definition” Well then how about this?
Let’s go with definition number 4.
A pledge or promise; obligation. I find myself on a daily basis afraid to do this. I have this fear of committing to anything.
It is no longer the morning and it is no longer that night (morning?) that I began writing this. Ahhh the irony of this being about commitment and getting things done.
Back to what I was saying.
I think commitment scares me.
Let me show you some examples.
1. School – I’m sure (or atleast I hope) that I am not the only one who feels this way. I just finished my second year and still don’t have a major. I switched schools because I was so sure that I was committed to this new major and then now at the end of my second year I have decided that I don’t think that it’s what I want to do. Now, in my head when I tell myself that I have decided what I am going to do, I feel this extreme anxiety and panic and decided nope that’s not it. I don’t really know how to describe it.
2. Relationships – ahhh the topic of relationships. As in boyfriend relationship. Every time I get the inkling that maybe, just maybe I have found someone who I could really like, I pick out one thing that is wrong and fixate on that, and it is so bad because usually i fixate on something really small like he like’s slugs and I hate slugs. I hope I’m not the only one who thinks like this! Maybe this is the reason I am 19 and never been in a relationship (or this is the reason, I like telling myself).
Commitment. It’s a funny word. It’s a scary word. Commitment.
This summer’s goal? Commitment.
It is beginning to be a word that the more you say it, the more it doesn’t sound like a word.
Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment.Commitment. Cows eating grass.
That is all.