Thoughts. Again.

So. It’s late, I should be sleeping. But I am not, and here is why… Ahhh another list. I am literally going to go and change my header after this to “Observations through lists” or something along those lines.Creative thoughts please fester and think of a clever header.Β Apologies as well, for the probably incoherent and non-sensical things that I write tonight.

Here is what is on my mind right now.

1. So for a long time I have had this thought in my head. A little warning this is going to get a little mushy and sappy and warm and fuzzy and all that good stuff. Anyway, while I was in Korea this summer I took this picture…

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Yes. This is just a crappy photo my feet in the sand at a beach in Jeju Do. Right after I took this picture I began to think. “Ah gee, there are sure a lot of grains of sand” Oh, I know I have very very deep thoughts running though my head all the time. But then I just began to think about this in the “big picture”. You know all these tiny minuscule little particles of glass and dirt and rocks make up this beautifully coloured, smooth, calming and gorgeous beach and I began to think eh this beach is just a big metaphor ( and also sometimes I like to pretend that I think a lot). It’s just like thinking that maybe each grain of sand and all the other parts of the beach is something in your life. Anything or any part of your day. It could be objects or people. It could be just a hour or maybe its a half a day or maybe you are thinking bigger scale and thinking months and years. Just think. That tiny pink particle lying beside you pinky toe is maybe the day that you met your best friend, just a fleeting moment but so special, which is why it doesn’t go unnoticed. Or maybe that bigger rock lying a few feet away from you is your family. That rock is rooted so deep in the sand that you cannot ever miss it, it is always there and maybe sometimes the rest of life comes along and buries it but you know that its always there even when you can’t see it. Or maybe all the pieces of broken glass are times in your life when you think that it’s too much or you think that you can’t handle it. It disrupts the picture and clutters the beach. But then you realize that the sand is going to whether that piece of glass down to be a beautiful, unique and colourful stone. It just reminds you that no matter what there is always going to be something or someone that can help you get through something hard to see the end product. (damn this metaphor is working out well). So now you may (but probably not) be asking hey why is she going so deep and trying to sound more “sophisticated” or whatever.

Well, let me answer this. This picture is a constant reminder to me that everyday is something and everyday you are going to learn something that is going to help you even if you don’t realize this right away. All the people you interact with, the words of wisdom you hear, the short phone calls with mom, the chats with the roommates, falling in love for the first time, dealing with midterm stress, celebrating your 20th birthday, these things all add up to make something wonderful and fun and exciting and nerve-wracking and adventurous.

I like to remind myself of this and I think that right now this is a time that I need to remind myself of this.

I have been having a lot of issues and feeling kind of conflicted with the fact that I don’t feel like I lead a balanced life. It eats me up and I know that I have to change this. It becomes this vicious cycle of being upset that I am not balanced and then putting all my effort into one aspect of my life and then getting more angry that I can’t balance it out. But, I am learning and I know that eventually, although it will not be perfect, I will be happy with where I am.

This photo reminds me to take a step back look at the big picture. Not just zooming out Β from the sand but zooming out to the point where you can see the entire shoreline. It reminds me that hey, yes med school is what you want to do, but that doesn’t mean that right now you have be studying in all your free breaks. Or hey you have a midterm, don’t stress you know more than you think you do. Or even hey you should call you mom, and ask her how her day is going.

Point being: In the grand scheme of things little stresses are small little things that can be whithered down and worked out, and although it may not be easy it will get better,so don’t panic, relax and enjoy.

Okay so maybe it was just a list of one thing. Who knew that at almost 1 in the morning you would have such deep thoughts? I am probably going to wake up tomorrow and think “what the shit was I thinking last night?”

Anyway. Good night internet! ❀

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