Okay, so here’s the thing. This post has been stewing in my brain for a bit now. I didn’t know how to write it. So, I decided to put on a 2 hour playlist of Kygo remixes and just sit here and stare at my cursor blinking at me – great use of my procrastination time – who needs good grades when you are a fantastic cursor-starer.
Anyway. It has been a hell of rollercoaster over the past 4 weeks. It makes you realize how quickly things can change and how much can happen in a short period of time. I think when I first thought about writing this post, I really just wanted to vent and complain about how the world hates me and sit in this little pot of self pity. But I’m glad that I didn’t, because although I’ve had a shitty week the crap is temporary. The shit that has happened over the past few weeks have made me realize firstly, how lucky I am to have the support system that I have and secondly, that it is okay to not be okay sometimes.
I’m going to first talk about how it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. I’ve had it bottled up in me for a long time that I have to hold it together and not let everything get to me. And, I now realize this isn’t healthy because one day you are going to find yourself crying because someone cut you off on the highway (not like that happened to me or anything…pfttt.) But, in all seriousness, if I have learned anything, it is that it is okay to let it out. It is okay to cry. It is okay to say that things aren’t okay. It is okay. It is also okay to have feelings. Wow, that sounds super ridiculous out loud. Of course, it is okay to have feelings. You have every right to feel what ever you want to feel. If you fell head over heels for a guy in a matter of three weeks and at the end of the 3 weeks it didn’t work out and you were devastated. It is okay to feel that, it doesn’t matter how short it was. Or if you have the stress of exams just building and sitting on your shoulders, thats okay too, because you are going to get through it, you have to remember that you are more than your grades.
Now, there is no way that I can sit here and think that this warm, fuzzy stuff is coming from my brain. Anyone who knows me knows that when I am in a slump I am like this big grey rain cloud that can’t get out of it and just wants to mope around and complain droplets of rain to everyone. So, I have to credit the most incredible network of people that I have, my friends. My friends who tell me that I am amazing and that I need to see it – even though this is a daily struggle for me. My friends who tell me it’s okay and who will have sleepovers with me even though they are incredibly busy with their own lives. My friends who will listen to me be a debbie downer on the daily (look at that alliteration) and still want to talk to me later on. My friends who pick me off the ground and tell me to get my shit together because they believe that I can. My friends who tell me not to make back up plans because they think that I can do my first plan of action. My friends who take the time to listen to my panicked text messages about very irrational things. My friends who accept me for who I am and don’t ask me to change. My friends who send me music and tell me that it is all going to be okay. My friends who tag me in stupid videos on facebook because it makes me laugh. My friends who challenge me to be better everyday. My friends who I look up to every day. I am incredibly lucky. I am so incredibly lucky, that I have these friends that I can see everyday and the friends that I see maybe once every 6 months and the friends who I sometimes can only talk through via technology. I am lucky and I know I am.
So maybe the take away from this is, is that this is really a letter to myself to remind myself of a few lessons I have learned in the past month. That it is okay to not be okay and that I am so lucky to have the people that I do in my life.
Here are some pics. Because how else do you wrap up a blog post like this?