To the first boy

I have decided to write a series of letters to boys – these are letters that I have been wanting to write but haven’t. Maybe they are things that I wanted and still want to say to these boys. This one is to boy M.

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Boy M,

Thank you. Thank you for the first time in my life, letting me feel special even with my insecurities. Thank you for letting me express my insecurities to you and letting me feel safe. Thank you for not judging me when I told you the things that I did. Thank you for being okay with who I am and who I was. Thank you for being patient with me and accepting my quirks. Thank you for showing me what it felt like to be wanted. But also thank you for showing me that things are not always as they appear.

Thank you for showing me that I cannot wear my heart on my sleeve. Thank you for teaching me to protect my feelings. Thank you for showing me that sometimes you get hurt and you have to pick yourself up. Thank you for showing me that there are people who lie. Thank you for teaching me not to hold on to everything that everyone promises you. Thank you for showing me that there are more than 2 sides to a story.

I know that you did what you did before because you loved her. You didn’t love me. You hardly knew me. But, I need to let you know that you cannot do this to anyone else. You did it to me. Don’t do this to any other girl. Please. It hurts. You broke my heart. I hope you and your girl are doing well. I mean that sincerely. Even though you hurt me, you are a nice person and you do deserve so much love. I am sorry that I couldn’t do that for you. I am sorry that you still loved the one before me. I am sorry that I got stuck in the crossfire. I know break ups are messy and I know that I got stuck in the middle of yours. M, don’t tell people that they mean something to you when they don’t. Only say things you can follow through on.

You were the first one to make me believe that someone could ever like me – so for that I must thank you.

xo

N

 

 

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