To the second boy

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Boy G,

G, you are my best friend. I know no matter what I can call you and text you and I know you will be there. G, you have shown me through example how to be there for another human being. You have shown that not all boys are shitheads. You have shown me that there are boys out there who do care. You have shown me a lot. I admire you.

I have to apologize. I know I messed up. I know I shouldn’t have even opened my mouth. I know I shouldn’t have even had the though that one day we could be together. I am sorry that when I looked at you I couldn’t hide what I felt and that everyone around us saw this. I am sorry that I did this to you. I am sorry that I thought that maybe it could have happened that maybe you would’ve seen me in the same way. I am sorry that I pushed you so far away that you stopped talking to me.

But, I am not sorry for the fact that you did not handle it well. It felt like you repulsed me. It felt like I was disgusting and you would never go for a girl like me.  I am sad that it took another boy for you to realize that we could still be friends. I love being your friend. I will always love you. You and your new girlfriend are great, I really like her. I think she is perfect for you. I think that she makes you light up in a way that I know I could never do. That’s how I know we were not meant to be and will never have hard feelings for that.

You are the most amazing boy that I know. You give me pep talks that are irreplaceable. You take the time to have coffee with me. You are my best friend and I wouldn’t give that up for anything, even my feelings.Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for letting me be quirky and calling me out when I am being stupid. You are the best.

xo

N

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