To the third boy

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Boy S

Oh man S, you have a special special place in my heart. It takes up a small corner but I know it is there. This letter has to be a story because I don’t even think you remember what happened.

S, I told you that you needed to come to my house for a party. I said it will be fun. You came. As we do, we got a little tipsy. I mean we all got a little tipsy. I don’t know if you know, but I’ve always had a crush on you. A big one. Just not a crush I would act on. It’s like a Zac Efron crush. You know like you see him and you know that you have a crush on him but you know that the likelihood of something occurring is unlikely? I was okay with that. I knew you struggled with girls, as I do with boys. I never understood that though. In my eyes you are a catch – most of the time šŸ™‚

Then she showed up. You guys both saw each other. I was like yay there’s a girl. You can do it S. I know you can. She was all over you. I saw it. I didn’t really know her. She was a friend of a friend. Regardless. Then you walked over to me. I thought the next few moments would’ve panned out differently but they didn’t. You said to me. N, she won’t hook up with me because you like me. I thought to myself, S are we in high school. We are adults. Who plays games like this now? I said I didn’t and I didn’t care. Former being a lie the latter being the truth. I didn’t care. I wanted you to be happy. You didn’t listen though. You hugged me. Then you told me how much you loved me. You loved me but you loved me only as a friend. You don’t realize this. That hurt. It hurt a lot. You reinforced every insecurity about myself that I had. I knew I wasn’t pretty like her. I knew I wasn’t flirty and girly and whatever like her. But you saying it out loud. Friend. That was killer. I told you that I understood you. But. You said it again. S, why did you say it again?

You will always have a place in my heart. A special little chunk. But you are just a Zac Efron crush. You will find the one that has patienceĀ and will be the one you are looking for. I know its not me. I am okay with that. TBH more than okay. Just don’t say that you love me like a friend again. Imagine if your celebrity crush did that to you.

 

xo

N.

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