To the second boy

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Boy G,

G, you are my best friend. I know no matter what I can call you and text you and I know you will be there. G, you have shown me through example how to be there for another human being. You have shown that not all boys are shitheads. You have shown me that there are boys out there who do care. You have shown me a lot. I admire you.

I have to apologize. I know I messed up. I know I shouldn’t have even opened my mouth. I know I shouldn’t have even had the though that one day we could be together. I am sorry that when I looked at you I couldn’t hide what I felt and that everyone around us saw this. I am sorry that I did this to you. I am sorry that I thought that maybe it could have happened that maybe you would’ve seen me in the same way. I am sorry that I pushed you so far away that you stopped talking to me.

But, I am not sorry for the fact that you did not handle it well. It felt like you repulsed me. It felt like I was disgusting and you would never go for a girl like me.  I am sad that it took another boy for you to realize that we could still be friends. I love being your friend. I will always love you. You and your new girlfriend are great, I really like her. I think she is perfect for you. I think that she makes you light up in a way that I know I could never do. That’s how I know we were not meant to be and will never have hard feelings for that.

You are the most amazing boy that I know. You give me pep talks that are irreplaceable. You take the time to have coffee with me. You are my best friend and I wouldn’t give that up for anything, even my feelings.Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for letting me be quirky and calling me out when I am being stupid. You are the best.

xo

N

To the first boy

I have decided to write a series of letters to boys – these are letters that I have been wanting to write but haven’t. Maybe they are things that I wanted and still want to say to these boys. This one is to boy M.

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Boy M,

Thank you. Thank you for the first time in my life, letting me feel special even with my insecurities. Thank you for letting me express my insecurities to you and letting me feel safe. Thank you for not judging me when I told you the things that I did. Thank you for being okay with who I am and who I was. Thank you for being patient with me and accepting my quirks. Thank you for showing me what it felt like to be wanted. But also thank you for showing me that things are not always as they appear.

Thank you for showing me that I cannot wear my heart on my sleeve. Thank you for teaching me to protect my feelings. Thank you for showing me that sometimes you get hurt and you have to pick yourself up. Thank you for showing me that there are people who lie. Thank you for teaching me not to hold on to everything that everyone promises you. Thank you for showing me that there are more than 2 sides to a story.

I know that you did what you did before because you loved her. You didn’t love me. You hardly knew me. But, I need to let you know that you cannot do this to anyone else. You did it to me. Don’t do this to any other girl. Please. It hurts. You broke my heart. I hope you and your girl are doing well. I mean that sincerely. Even though you hurt me, you are a nice person and you do deserve so much love. I am sorry that I couldn’t do that for you. I am sorry that you still loved the one before me. I am sorry that I got stuck in the crossfire. I know break ups are messy and I know that I got stuck in the middle of yours. M, don’t tell people that they mean something to you when they don’t. Only say things you can follow through on.

You were the first one to make me believe that someone could ever like me – so for that I must thank you.

xo

N

 

 

Well then.

So, obviously this whole blogging thing is not working out for me and there many, many, many things that needed to be vented out in the past 8 months.

I feel like I am always writing these when I am in a fantastic mood, slightly tipsy, or in a really crappy mood.

Today is a day that I am in a really crappy mood. Like really crappy. Today I found out that I didn’t get a medical school interview. Even further than that I got super shitty scores.  I know right now I am writing this in a rage because of how I am feeling. The things I am feeling kind of sucks. It just feels like everything that I have worked for got crushed from a single email. I know I should be proud of how far I have come and I should be proud of what I have accomplished and I should not be discouraged and I need to pick myself and try again. It just sucks that I couldn’t get far enough to get an interview. It sucks that I feel like I have been trying my hardest, but my hardest is obviously not hard enough. There are people that have been working harder and getting better marks and all the while being the best people in the world.

Maybe right now is not the best time to be writing stuff like this. Maybe my emotions are taking over. But it is disappointing.

I don’t even know what this blog even is but it had to be written somewhere I guess.

I want to cry but I can’t. So what am i going to do? I am going to write about everything that has made me angry in the past year. I am sorry. I am so sorry but I think I need to do this for me.

SOSSUSVLEI

Ah, back to the travel writing I go!

 

So after leaving the wondering and magnificent Swakopmund, I joined up with Chameleon backpackers for their tour to Sossusvlei, the complete tour includes the northern region of Namibia, but due to the fact that I was short on time, I unfortunately missed out on the first half of the tour. I can not emphasize enough, just how absolutely incredible this company is, they were professional, had an incredible amount of expertise and the accommodations were superb. They picked me up from the hostel that I was staying at, although not affiliated with Chameleon and we were on our way down to Sossusvlei.

 

It’s quite the drive from Swakopmund to Sossusvlei, and after many hours we finally made it there. We ended up staying in the middle of nowhere in these very luxurious safari tents. Our guide made some amazing dinner and we got to hang out and chill together. There were about 10 of us in this tour. It was an interesting mix of people. Some couples, a mother and daughter duo, a father and daughter duo, me , another solo backpacker, it was quite the group.

 

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A picture on the road

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Another picture from the road

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YAY animals!

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Tropic of Capricorn

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Beaut of a sunset

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My room

I was absolutely exhausted, so I passed out right away when go there.

 

The next morning we were off to Big Daddy!  I don’t know what the sand dune is actually called, I am pretty sure it’s Big Daddy! We were off to hike it.

It was a tough short hike up, only because for every step you took you fell down like 2 steps. It is incredibly difficult to hike on sand. But we made it up there and it was incredible!

 

The next thing we did was run down the mound.

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YAY!

 

Only to run into this incredible view.

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Incredible.

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Absolutely incredible.

 

It’s like nothing that you have seen before. It took my breath away for sure!

 

After that we were off to “sexy valley”

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Pretty sexy eh?

Then we called it a night, with another feast around the camp fire.

Here’s another sunset pic to wrap up this blog post.

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ooooooo its blurry too

 

Day 1 – Naiomi gets her shit together

YAY! 4th year is finished!

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Okay it is now 4 days post finals and I have decided it is high time to get out of bed and binge watching house.

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(Only because it is never Lupus)

As per usual, like the past 4 summers, I have made the promise to myself that I will do all these things and check off all these boxes from my To Do list. So lets post a picture of me pretending to be productive

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(ahhh much hipster. much productivity)

Looking at the fine print you can see that one of the boxes on the to do list is to “get un-addicted to medical dramas” so not all of the to do list things are serious.

So here’s to a summer where I have things I want to check but at the same time, not really know what’s to come.

If anyone out there is reading this blog, and cares enough to keep reading… this summer I will get my travel stuff done, blog through my MCAT experience, and also see if I can document my garden growing.

 

xx

Naiomi

Okay,

Okay, so here’s the thing. This post has been stewing in my brain for a bit now. I didn’t know how to write it. So, I decided to put on a 2 hour playlist of Kygo remixes and just sit here and stare at my cursor blinking at me – great use of my procrastination time – who needs good grades when you are a fantastic cursor-starer.

Anyway. It has been a hell of rollercoaster over the past 4 weeks. It makes you realize how quickly things can change and how much can happen in a short period of time. I think when I first thought about writing this post, I really just wanted to vent and complain about how the world hates me and sit in this little pot of self pity. But I’m glad that I didn’t, because although I’ve had a shitty week the crap is temporary. The shit that has happened over the past few weeks have made me realize firstly, how lucky I am to have the support system that I have and secondly, that it is okay to not be okay sometimes.

I’m going to first talk about how it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. I’ve had it bottled up in me for a long time that I have to hold it together and not let everything get to me. And, I now realize this isn’t healthy because one day you are going to find yourself crying because someone cut you off on the highway (not like that happened to me or anything…pfttt.) But, in all seriousness, if I have learned anything, it is that it is okay to let it out. It is okay to cry. It is okay to say that things aren’t okay. It is okay. It is also okay to have feelings. Wow, that sounds super ridiculous out loud. Of course, it is okay to have feelings. You have every right to feel what ever you want to feel. If you fell head over heels for a guy in a matter of three weeks and at the end of the 3 weeks it didn’t work out and you were devastated. It is okay to feel that, it doesn’t matter how short it was. Or if you have the stress of exams just building and sitting on your shoulders, thats okay too, because you are going to get through it, you have to remember that you are more than your grades.

Now, there is no way that I can sit here and think that this warm, fuzzy stuff is coming from my brain. Anyone who knows me knows that when I am in a slump I am like this big grey rain cloud that can’t get out of it and just wants to mope around and complain droplets of rain to everyone. So, I have to credit the most incredible network of people that I have, my friends. My friends who tell me that I am amazing and that I need to see it – even though this is a daily struggle for me. My friends who tell me it’s okay and who will have sleepovers with me even though they are incredibly busy with their own lives. My friends who will listen to me be a debbie downer on the daily (look at that alliteration) and still want to talk to me later on. My friends who pick me off the ground and tell me to get my shit together because they believe that I can. My friends who tell me not to make back up plans because they think that I can do my first plan of action. My friends who take the time to listen to my panicked text messages about very irrational things. My friends who accept me for who I am and don’t ask me to change. My friends who send me music and tell me that it is all going to be okay. My friends who tag me in stupid videos on facebook because it makes me laugh. My friends who challenge me to be better everyday. My friends who I look up to every day. I am incredibly lucky. I am so incredibly lucky, that I have these friends that I can see everyday and the friends that I see maybe once every 6 months and the friends who I sometimes can only talk through via technology. I am lucky and I know I am.

So maybe the take away from this is, is that this is really a letter to myself to remind myself of a few lessons I have learned in the past month. That it is okay to not be okay and that I am so lucky to have the people that I do in my life.

Here are some pics. Because how else do you wrap up a blog post like this?

 

 

 

 

SWAKOPMUND

Swakopmund is just one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. It is the place in Namibia where the desert meets the ocean it is absolutely incredible…

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The night I arrived in Swakopmund, I got there super late and so I just had a chill night. It is a lot colder than I expected it to be, I was in long pants and had a scarf on. The next day I had organized a tour called The Living Desert tour. The guides were all very knowledgeable, friendly and open to questions. They are super accommodating and will pick you up from where ever you are staying. The guides take a conservation perspective and really open your eyes to how important it is to conserve the desert and not destroy it. The desert and dunes are heavily used by dune buggies, the use of dune buggies not a huge issue, if people stay on tracks they are supposed, it becomes and issue when people do this “off roading” stuff. The owner of the company has been working hard to get the desert protected.

Anyway with the tour, the point is to see the Little 5 of Africa. As most people know,  when you go Africa you have to see the big 5, well here are the little 5 of Africa. The interesting thing about Namibia, is that the desert and the ocean create a unique environment for some really cool animals.

So the little 5 include the chameleon, gecko, skink (legless lizard – it is different from a snake), snake and spider. I highly recommend this tour, educational, fun, and the guides are amazing.

 

That afternoon in Swakopmund was free, so I just explored town, I went to the crystal museum and the Swakopmund museum. The crystal museum was quite impressive, lots of crystals. The Swakopmund museum was interesting, just a mash of everything. If you don’t have the time, you don’t have to go. The nice thing about these places is that they are all walking distance away from each other  and right beside the beach.

 

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Arriving in Namibia

So as Namibia was the first stop on my “solo” backpacking trip I was very worried and over planned it. I do not regret this at all, because it just made the trip a whole lot smoother. I arrived late at night at the Windhoek airport. Now the funny thing is, is that the Windhoek airport is located about an hour out of the city so be sure that you know where you are going once you arrive. Fortunately I was able to coordinate a ride with the hostel I was staying at Chameleon Backpackers (for more info…https://naiomiblogs.wordpress.com/category/namibia-hostel/ ). They were waiting for me there at the airport, with a sign with my name on it. I have forgotten exactly how much this is but i believe it was between $20-25 (CAD). There is an ATM at the airport as soon as you enter the arrival hall, so there is no need to worry about getting money beforehand like I did. I was running around the Joberg airport looking for a money exchanger or an ATM… there are no ATMs in the international departure area, so don’t bother looking, but I digress.

 

My first glance of Namibia was at night. So, really can’t say much about first impressions. From what I could see the town center looked very quant, and old town type of feel. Very European. Namibia is a very young country, just gaining independence in 1994, just as old as I am. So the European feel is not very surprising.

 

 

 

 

After arrival, I chilled at the bar at the hostel and had a nice cold Windhoek beer. I had a travel day ahead of me, so I rested up and headed to bed.

Happy New Year 2016

As I was looking back on my blog I saw that there are only like 3 posts between this new years post and my last new years post… this is what i have to say to myself…

shame  on you

Because I’m pretty sure I said something along the lines of blogging more and vlogging and committing and etc etc. But lets all be honest, this is how I feel when I see the word commitment.

 

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No but really, this is becoming very redundant. So you know what I did today? I actually filmed a video and I uploaded onto my computer and everything, so now, it is just time to edit it all out and be happy about the work that I did.

I don’t really know what to expect out of 2016. And maybe that’s whats going to be the best thing about 2016. Every year I have this expectations that great things are going to happen and I want them so badly that I get disappointed. But when I look back on this year, my favourite things about it were not the things I saw coming last January. So maybe this year I just need this  gif…

no expectations

Of course I have still made resolutions and I am going to post them here is everyone ready? Wait does this mean that I have expectations?

Resolutions

 

1.

lose 3 pounds

LOL no I don’t, but I want to get back into the shape I was in high school, not to lose weight or look better or whatever shit. I want to get back in shape so that I feel better, feel healthy. Maybe the resolution should be, don’t push away the active things you enjoy “because you are too busy with school”

2.

happy

Thanks John, I think this is the year that I am actually going to start to believe that. I am going to be happy with who I am. I am going to be happy about where I am and I am going to be happy by myself as I am. Man, I said I am too many times.

3.

scared

Yes yes the unknown scares me a lot, and I probably look like this lady more often than not. This year I am not going to fear it. I think I have to embrace. This past year I got a lot of opportunities and every outcome of those opportunities were pretty unknown and I was scared shitless for all of them. Let me say though every thing was fantastic and incredible and educational and perspective-changing.  This year I am going to welcome them with open arms. Okay probably not really, I am still afraid of the unknowns, but I will be less cautious with them

4.

yes

Yes is the motto. Not like ridiculously outrageous yes saying, but like reasonable things. I need to say yes more. I feel like a lot times I have said no way before I realize what could happen. I come up with the outcomes before it even begins.

5.

alright

Well we all know Leo didn’t end up alright in that movie, but I digress. I am going to accept this year that it’ll be alright. Things will work out. Don’t sweat the small stuff and be okay with things. Embrace the door closing door opening thing

Damn, my resolutions are cheesy af

Well internet, that is 3 blogs in one day. Lets keep this up Naiomi!

Cheers to 2016

xoxo

N

Travel

Welcome to my travel page!

Okay so it has been a while since I have posted anything on this blog and since the time that I have posted I have decided to reformat my blog and also include my travelling on it. So I guess I should start with Namibia because it was the first place I stopped after my internship with The SAM Project, which I will be posting an extensive blog post about in the coming days. I am going to writing about all the places that I have travelled to in the past 3 months. I want to write a page about hostels we stayed in, sites to see and if the place was really exciting I will post a page just about that. I will add in my own little anecdotes and tips that helped me along the way because, in all honesty travel blogs are what helped me all the time.

Cheers to adventuring, I would love to swap stories with any fellow explorers out there!